What Is Masking (Social Camouflaging)?IN BRIEF
Masking is when a person tries to hide that they're autistic. They copy the people around them and stop themselves from acting the way they naturally would. It's uncomfortable, it takes a lot of energy, and if an autistic person does it all the time, they can end up losing touch with who they really are. Masking can be helpful for short periods, but using it too much isn't good for your mental or physical health.
Defining Masking
Some autistic people are described as chameleons. They can blend into almost any environment without being noticed, and no one watching their behavior would guess they’re different. This is possible because of masking: the whole range of techniques and strategies neurodivergent people use to appear neurotypical. Many autistic people mask. The techniques they use vary widely. Some people are aware they’re masking their differences, but in many cases, they aren’t: they simply believe everyone uses the same strategies to get through daily life. Either way, masking takes a huge amount of energy, and it has long-term consequences for the people who do it.
In autism research, this is often called social camouflaging, though most people simply call it masking.
Going further
Defining neurodivergent: Neurodivergent people are anyone who isn't neurotypical, meaning they have differences in how their brain works. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and schizophrenia are all examples of neurodivergence, and there are many others. In fact, being neurodivergent is quite common.
Imitation
Autistic people are often told their behavior isn’t acceptable. Many autistic people have heard, since they were very young, that the way they play, move, sit, communicate, and even love isn’t the “right” way. The truth is, there’s no guidebook that spells out THE right way to handle every everyday situation, one that holds true no matter the circumstances. So, to act in ways that seem as appropriate as possible, autistic people imitate others.
Hoping to find THE right response for every daily action, some autistic people become masters at the art of imitation. They might imitate people around them, like a classmate or a sibling. Others prefer to imitate a celebrity or a character they’ve seen in a movie. Autistic people can change an enormous number of details in their behavior in hopes of doing things “the right way”; some will even change their accent!
When I was little, I was bullied a lot. So to be like everyone else, I decided to imitate a classmate: I copied everything she did so I could do exactly the same thing. Of course, that scared her, and the teasing from other kids got worse. So I started imitating one classmate's way of moving his feet and legs, another's arm position, someone else's conversation topics, and so on. It was exhausting. It took a huge amount of attention and never let me access who I really am.
Flitting Between Groups
Contrary to popular belief, autistic people want friends and a social life. It’s just that the way they interact with others is different. Sometimes that difference means an autistic person doesn’t manage to settle into one group of friends. Some autistic children move from one group of kids to another. These children won’t have a “group” of their own, but they won’t look alone either. That makes it hard for adults to notice that the child is struggling to form friendships. These children can feel isolated, feel like everyone’s “second choice” for team projects and sports teams, and feel like they don’t know who they can count on. Children who flit between groups often manage to connect with others very early in life. Most of the time, though, they don’t know how to build a deep relationship. When children flit between groups to protect themselves from the effects of loneliness (for example, to avoid being bullied), that’s a form of masking. But flitting between groups can also be healthy if it’s the child’s own choice: not every child wants to belong to one stable group.
Planning Interactions
Autistic people often understand social interactions in a particular way. To avoid being rejected because they read an interaction differently, many autistic people plan their social interactions far in advance. Planning is a form of masking. To work well, it’s often used together with imitation. Planning well takes years of study and practice: taking mental notes on the social interactions happening around us, watching popular shows or reading psychology books, and practicing different roles. It takes a lot of flexibility, which is exhausting, especially when our sense of balance depends on routine and stability, which is the case for most autistic people.
Doing improv helped me build my social skills, and especially helped me pass as a normal teenager at school and with friends. I wasn't a great player. I never had any hope of winning a match star, and I was rarely the one who came up with the game's central idea. My ideas were too off the wall! But I was an excellent support player. I was good at adapting and making any idea from my teammates flow smoothly. In one non-competitive league, the referee invented a star just for me: the chameleon star. I found out 12 years later that I was autistic.
Language
Autistic people communicate differently than neurotypical people. But only the neurotypical way of communicating gets treated as “the right way to communicate.” For example, speaking autistic people tend to talk literally (without hidden meaning) and to understand messages literally. When an autistic person misses an implied meaning in a conversation, they’re seen as naive. But if an autistic person speaks without any hidden meaning and neurotypical people read a double meaning into it that was never there, the autistic person gets blamed for “saying it wrong”! Because of this, many autistic people memorize a huge number of expressions and implied meanings. They’ll replay interactions in their head over and over to analyze them and make sure they haven’t missed anything, all so they can adapt their language and understanding to the neurotypical style of communication.
Ignoring Sensory Differences
Most autistic people have sensory differences. This means their brain interprets information from the environment differently. Autistic people can mask these differences. For people with sensory hypersensitivity, that means ignoring the pain signals their brain sends out because a sensation is too intense for them. They won’t use tools that exist to soften those sensations, like noise-canceling headphones or tinted glasses. Autistic people with sensory hyposensitivity may avoid stimming (self-stimulation) that helps them stay grounded in their body, like pinching or scratching themselves.
Many autistic people choose their clothes based on their sensory differences. The size, color, and texture of their clothes aren’t chosen based on fashion or social rules but on what’s most comfortable. When the social pressure gets too strong, an autistic person may feel forced to switch to a different kind of clothing. Functioning in clothes that don’t work for your body takes a lot of energy and can get in the way of concentration and overall functioning.
The Consequences of Masking
Losing Your Sense of Self
When you spend your whole life hiding who you are, it’s possible to forget. That’s one of the major long-term consequences of masking. Many autistic people who started masking in childhood feel like they’ve never become who they truly are. This takes a real toll on self-esteem. Some autistic people even come to believe they’re nothing but their mask, or that they’ll never really know who they are. Fortunately, that isn’t true: it’s always possible to reconnect with who you are. It just takes time and patience.
I explained to my grandmother recently what masking is. So she could understand, I kept it simple: masking is like a pair of really uncomfortable shoes that you're forced to wear whenever you go out in public, because they're what society considers normal. Except you don't like them, and you have to put up with them from the start of your day to the end. So I asked my grandma: ‘What happens when your shoes are bothering you?’ She said, ‘Well, I'd want to take them off.’ Me: Right, except since you're in public, it's frowned upon to take them off. So what do you do? Her: I wait until I'm home to take them off. Me: And imagine the pain of having them on your feet, taking them off, and so on. Now imagine you have to go grab a coffee after your workday. You still can't take them off! Her: Then I put up with them until the end, even if I'm sick and tired of wearing them. Me: See what I mean? That's my everyday life: wearing a pair of shoes that don't work for me, but to fit in with everyone else, I have to wear them. When I was with my ex, I could never take them off, so what happened? I had meltdowns, because I couldn't put up with it anymore. She understood exactly what I was getting at!
Two Other Perspectives
Autistic people can switch masks depending on the situation. That said, some autistic people don’t feel like they know how to be themselves without a mask. Others are skeptical of that feeling, since everyone adjusts their behavior depending on the situation: you don’t act the same way at the grocery store as you do at a water park! Still, there’s a difference between adapting to different situations and wearing a mask to hide a difference.
An Analogy for Masking
Imagine someone who uses a cane to walk because their knee works differently. With the cane, they can walk just as fast as everyone else and without pain. Now imagine they’re forbidden from using their cane and forced to walk “normally,” at the same pace as everyone else. They’ll quickly become exhausted and risk getting hurt. Over time, those injuries could make it impossible for them to ever get their own natural gait back, even with the cane. That’s what happens when an autistic person masks.
Exhaustion
Masking takes an enormous amount of energy. It can also lead autistic people to avoid using tools that are essential to their comfort. For example, wearing sunglasses indoors isn’t exactly subtle, so someone with light sensitivity might avoid wearing them. That has real physical consequences, because the discomfort is very real. The extra energy spent, combined with the lack of tools, can push a person right to the edge of their capacity. It’s very common for an autistic person to have a meltdown or shutdown once they get home. While masking, a person is also pushing aside their body’s needs at the same time. When they stop masking, they reconnect with their body and those needs, and that’s often when they realize they’d already gone past their limits.
Masking also has negative effects on mental health. People who mask are more likely to experience anxiety, autistic burnout or occupational burnout, and depression. As a result, people who mask end up more vulnerable when it comes to their mental health.
Losing Support Because You “Don’t Look Autistic”
Autistic people who mask often hear that they “don’t look autistic.” As such, autism doesn’t have a particular look: it’s simply one “type” of brain among the many humans can have. Still, being told “you don’t look autistic” has real consequences. Every autistic person needs support, but it’s hard to “prove” you need help if you’re able to convince people you’re managing fine without any! As a result, it’s common for autistic people to be denied the support that’s essential to their well-being. Masking can even delay diagnosis, which makes it nearly impossible to get the support needed for daily life, academic success, or access to employment.
Autistic people who mask are also sometimes told they’re lying, or that they’re using resources that weren’t meant for them. That’s not true!
Why It’s Hard to Stop Masking
After reading about all the negative health effects of masking, it can be tempting to think it should be stopped at all costs. But if masking exists, it’s because the autistic person needs to hide who they are in order to feel safe. In short, masking is the whole set of protective mechanisms a person builds to hide their difference.
Avoiding Being Misunderstood
Not masking can bring immediate negative consequences. Many behaviors that are perfectly normal for an autistic person can be misread by others. Avoiding eye contact and giving detailed explanations can come across as dishonesty.
Tools that help prevent sensory overload can be seen as a way of “seeking attention,” a form of “cheating” in class, or just plain rude. Stimming (self-stimulation) can look like an attempt to disrupt a group. Honest, literal answers to questions can come across as playing dumb.
These misinterpretations can lower the quality of care an autistic person receives from health and social service professionals. In the worst cases, a person can be denied an essential service altogether, especially when it’s their first time requesting help and the providers involved aren’t aware of their autism, or when the diagnosis isn’t official. These effects tend to be smaller when an autistic person has a clearly established diagnosis with documentation to back it up. Unfortunately, getting an accurate diagnosis isn’t always possible, and some people simply don’t want to disclose their diagnosis to strangers.
Caution
In some situations, masking simply isn't possible. Under fatigue or panic, certain autistic traits can show through. Carrying an explanatory card to hand out during a crisis can help avoid misunderstandings. There's no obligation to write the word “autism” on it if that feels uncomfortable, and the card doesn't need to come from an official organization. Think about it: if an interaction with a stranger led to an unusual, unexpected, and uncomfortable situation, wouldn't you want instructions for getting things back to normal? People won't ask where the card came from; they'll just be relieved to know what to do and to understand what's happening!
One day, during a small meltdown that made it hard for me to move or speak, someone thought I was having a stroke. I just needed a few minutes to recover from a sensation that had been too overwhelming. A little card that said ‘I'm autistic’ would have helped me so much.
Sometimes it’s simply more practical to mask in a given situation. For example, an autistic person might choose to mask while picking up a takeout order at a restaurant. If an autistic person is comfortable masking for brief interactions with strangers, there’s no downside to doing so. In some emergency situations, being able to mask temporarily can keep you from being dismissed or not taken seriously; it’s exhausting in the moment, but very useful for being heard quickly.
Taking Off the Mask
Stopping masking can be an important experience for many autistic people. It’s a process that can take a long time and that requires support. There are several reasons someone might want to stop masking. They might want to do it to take care of their mental health, which is so precious. They might want to do it to get to know themselves better. They might also want to do it to show they’re proud to be autistic. In some circumstances, it can even be an act of solidarity, since not every autistic person is able to mask. So when an autistic person who’s capable of masking chooses not to, they’re helping to make autistic traits more normal!
For example, about ten years ago, it was frowned upon to stim (self-stimulate) in public places like school or the workplace. It wasn’t acceptable to carry something like a Tangle toy or a small stuffed animal to help you calm down. Today, many neurodivergent people keep their favorite stim object with them at all times. Stimming helps many neurodivergent people, including autistic people, people with ADHD, and people with anxiety disorders. So it’s now considered normal to carry an object to help you calm down, which helps autistic people who can’t mask their stims be perceived better by society.
Important
You're not always obligated to be in solidarity. It's completely fine to choose to mask at a given moment to feel safer or to get out of a complicated situation. Managing without support at a time when others might have needed it doesn't make you any less autistic, or any less in solidarity with others.
The Downsides
Stopping masking comes with its own consequences too. For example, it’s not uncommon for an autistic person working to stop masking as part of a therapeutic process to lose a number of friends along the way. That can be a source of real distress. Imagine realizing, after years of what felt like warm connection, that the people you considered friends were only close to you while your protective mechanisms were in place. That can bring on distress and a deep sense of loneliness. These consequences are temporary, though. Autistic people are every bit as likeable as everyone else, and there will be other kinds of people to build friendships with. Still, when it happens, it’s very painful. It’s always possible to seek support from a social worker or psychologist during this time. There are also official peer support groups available through CLSCs (local community health centres) and many postsecondary institutions, as well as informal support groups on Facebook. These groups don’t just offer support; they’re also a chance to build new friendships.
Going further
Some people are more comfortable with direct, literal interactions. It's simpler to understand the intentions of someone who communicates that way. That might be because they've experienced interactions full of insincerity, or simply because they prefer more straightforward, honest dynamics. People like this can come to really appreciate how autistic people communicate. Losing one category of friends can open the door to a new category of friends, ones who prefer an autistic or very direct kind of person.
Important
Many autistic people choose to stop masking when they receive an official autism diagnosis, or when they're going through a difficult time with their mental health. If this happens with someone close to you, their behavior may change. That doesn't mean they're doing it on purpose, or “playing autistic.” It's important to welcome the person's autistic traits. They might stop making eye contact, change how they dress, move differently, start using sensory barriers, or speak in a different tone or accent. They might also become more honest in their answers, for example by sharing their real opinion when asked something like, ‘Do you like my new haircut?’ Unless the autistic person's actions are violent or offensive, it's not a good idea to get angry at them or reject them for it. Stopping masking in front of someone is a huge sign of trust. It's the perfect moment to get to know your autistic loved one better and to discover the good sides of autism. And if you're genuinely unsure about that new haircut, rest assured you'll get an honest answer from your autistic loved one who isn't masking!
How to Stop Masking
Stopping masking isn’t easy, especially in public, when you learned to do it from a very young age. Sometimes you have to learn how to do it for the very first time! Some autistic people who mask feel like they don’t know who they are. Some feel like they aren’t being themselves. Fortunately, it’s impossible to actually be someone else, AND it’s always possible to learn to know yourself better. Here are a few ideas for getting to know yourself better and stopping masking.
Target Your Most Energy-Draining Masking Habits
Start by dropping the masking techniques that take the most energy. When a masking behavior requires a lot of preparation time, that usually means the traits you’re trying to hide are pretty strong. For example, if someone spends a lot of time choosing their clothes, asking others what to wear in a given situation, or forcing themselves to wear uncomfortable clothes to look a certain way, there’s a good chance clothing is one of their most energy-draining forms of masking. You can approach clothing differently by asking yourself: ‘What feels comfortable on my body?’ or ‘Are there clothes I can actually forget I’m wearing while I do other things?’ Choosing and wearing your clothes this way will almost certainly cost you less energy!
Ask the People Close to You
Ask people close to you what makes you unique, or what best describes you. Not every trait they mention will be an autistic trait, but there’s a good chance it’ll be a solid description of who you are as a person. It’s true that masking is meant to hide autistic traits, but it can also end up hiding what makes you unique. Asking people close to you what makes you unique gives you clues about how to stay yourself. Just make sure to ask people you feel most comfortable being yourself around; otherwise, you’ll just get a description of your best masking!
Try It
Try it! Sometimes the best way to stop masking is to try out behaviors you like but don’t dare use for fear of being judged. Of course, these behaviors need to be respectful of others and of the law! Here are a few examples of behaviors you can try.
- Wearing the same style of shirt every day (as long as it’s clean!): this lets you check whether it’s easier to function in one particular comfortable piece of clothing.
- Bringing the same lunch for a week: some autistic people forget to eat during the day. Having the same meal planned for the middle of the day makes it easier to remember to eat.
- Trying out stims: you can either buy stim toys or copy stims you’ve seen elsewhere.
- Telling someone you trust that you want to try a conversation without eye contact: this lets you see if it’s easier to concentrate without maintaining eye contact.
- Trying out sensory barrier methods.
A Final Word
Everyone has the right to happiness, and letting go of the mask is one of the steps toward getting there. Whether you’re autistic, close to someone who is, a caregiver, or an ally, you can make a difference. Being yourself, and letting others be themselves too, can have a powerful, positive impact.
