Social interactions

Social Interactions for Autistic People
IN BRIEF

Social interactions can be difficult for autistic people. Meeting new people, maintaining a friendship, or following a group conversation is often more complex for them. Non-autistic social codes rely on implication and rules that shift depending on context, and decoding them takes a major effort.

Adapting to change or choosing the right conversation topics adds to the challenge and can make social interactions quite stressful at times. Some autistic people prefer to be alone. Others have friends or would like to, but they often face obstacles that make this difficult. Every autistic person is different: some have close friendships, though often fewer of them. Others still have a large social network.

Concrete conversations, grounded in facts or a shared interest, tend to feel more comfortable than superficial social exchanges. Understanding one’s own way of functioning, preferences, and needs helps in choosing the settings, the pace, and the people it feels good to spend time with.

Every autistic person is unique. The characteristics of autism and their impact vary from person to person, so the same social abilities can’t be expected across the board. Some people may experience severe difficulties with social interactions, while others are able to manage them fairly well. With the right support, many autistic people expand their social repertoire over the years.

Autism changes the way a person connects and interacts with others. Communication challenges add to a whole set of particularities that come into play in social exchanges.

Autistic people may have difficulty understanding and responding to various social elements, such as:

Other people’s emotions
Behaviors
Facial expressions
New people
New social settings
Changes in routine
Unexpected events

Certain key aspects of social interaction can add further complexity:

Some autistic people also experience alexithymia—difficulty identifying and naming their own emotions—which adds yet another layer to the challenge of understanding other people’s emotions. According to a meta-analysis published in 2019, this affects roughly one autistic person in two, but it isn’t unique to autism: it also affects part of the non-autistic population, and it doesn’t apply to every autistic person (Kinnaird et al., 2019).

As a result, social interactions can become difficult for the autistic person and for the people around them alike.

Going further
THEORY OF MIND OR THE DOUBLE EMPATHY PROBLEM?

The theory of mind model has long dominated autism research. It proposes that autistic people have difficulty representing other people’s thoughts and emotions. This model is now being challenged, notably by autistic researchers, because it places the problem solely on the autistic person’s side.

The double empathy problem, proposed by autistic researcher Damian Milton in 2012, offers a different interpretation: that mutual misunderstanding stems from a mismatch between two different communication styles—autistic and non-autistic—rather than from a one-sided deficit (Milton, 2012; Milton et al., 2022).

This theory, too, remains actively debated. A recent critical review of research methods points out that empirical studies produce mixed results depending on the tools used, and that more research is needed (Fellowes, 2026). Neither model currently holds absolute consensus.

Intérêts spécifiques

Les personnes autistes ont souvent de grandes passions ou des champs d’intérêt approfondis, parfois qualifiés d’intérêts spécifiques. Elles peuvent y consacrer beaucoup de temps et d’énergie, avec un niveau de concentration et de plaisir intense, parfois sur de très longues périodes. Ces champs d’intérêt intéressent parfois peu l’entourage, ce qui peut rendre plus difficile la discussion ou l’intérêt réciproque pour les passe-temps d’un interlocuteur. Parler d’un sujet avec une personne qui ne s’y intéresse pas rend les interactions plus complexes.

Le concept de monotropisme, développé par la chercheuse autiste Dinah Murray et ses collègues, propose que l’attention autistique fonctionne de façon plus concentrée, c’est-à-dire que plutôt que de répartir son attention sur plusieurs champs à la fois, elle se dirige intensément vers un nombre plus petit de champs d’intérêt (Murray et al., 2005). Ce modèle aide à comprendre pourquoi il peut être difficile de changer de sujet, d’interrompre une activité en cours ou de s’intéresser spontanément aux champs d’intérêt d’une autre personne. Une personne autiste plongée dans son activité favorite n’aura pas forcément la capacité de s’en détacher pour aller vers l’autre.

Ces champs d’intérêt jouent pourtant un rôle important, ils sont source de joie, de régulation émotionnelle, de compétence, parfois de carrière. Ils peuvent aussi devenir un terrain d’échange privilégié avec d’autres personnes qui partagent la même passion. Parler avec une personne autiste d’un sujet qui la passionne peut être très enrichissant !

Focused or Passionate Interests

Autistic people often have deep passions or areas of interest they explore in great depth, sometimes referred to as focused or passionate interests. They may devote a great deal of time and energy to them, with an intense level of concentration and enjoyment, sometimes over very long periods. The people around them are sometimes not very interested in these areas of interest, which can make it harder to talk about them or to find mutual interest in a conversation partner’s hobbies. Talking about a topic with someone who isn’t interested in it makes interactions more complicated.

The concept of monotropism, developed by autistic researcher Dinah Murray and her colleagues, proposes that autistic attention works in a more concentrated way: rather than being spread across several areas at once, it flows intensely toward a smaller number of interests (Murray et al., 2005). This model helps explain why it can be hard to switch topics, interrupt an ongoing activity, or spontaneously take interest in someone else’s areas of interest. An autistic person absorbed in their favorite activity may not have the capacity to pull away from it to turn toward someone else.

Yet these areas of interest play an important role: they’re a source of joy, emotional regulation, skill, and sometimes even a career. They can also become fertile ground for connecting with others who share the same passion. Talking with an autistic person about a topic they’re passionate about can be truly rewarding!

Building and Maintaining Relationships

Building and maintaining a relationship calls for consistency in exchanges, an ability to adjust to the unexpected, and a fine-grained reading of social rules that often go unspoken.

These demands can be a major challenge for an autistic person, since they require decoding—in real time and without an instruction manual—expectations that non-autistic people often apply without even thinking about it. This is exactly what’s at stake in friendship, adapting to change, taking part in discussions, and meeting unspoken expectations.

Friendship

Autistic people generally have a smaller social network (fewer friends) and spend less time in social interactions than non-autistic people. Their friendships also often develop with people younger or older than themselves, outside the age groups that are socially expected—and as long as this poses no risk to health or safety, that’s perfectly fine. What matters is the quality of the network, not expectations about who should be part of it.

A literature review published in 2025 notes that many autistic adults value the quality of their friendships more than their number, and that connections formed with other autistic people are often described as easier and more satisfying—possibly because they rely on similar ways of communicating (Wu & Wang, 2025).

Certain things expected in non-autistic friendships—like chatting without a particular purpose or dropping by unannounced—don’t always fit how autistic people function socially. Others may read this as disinterest, when it actually reflects a different way of experiencing friendship, one that’s just as valuable!

Change and Routine

Because autistic people often find it difficult to adapt to changes in routine and to new social situations, social activities can become harder to manage, especially when they’re impromptu. When this need for predictability isn’t understood by the people around them, it can become a significant obstacle to maintaining a long-term relationship.

Taking Part in Discussions

Autistic people generally prefer discussions centered on facts or their focused interests. Conversations about friendship, personal growth, or implicit social dynamics can feel uncomfortable or hold little interest for them, adding yet another obstacle to the social reciprocity that’s expected of them.

In a group discussion, an autistic person may sometimes not notice that they’re being addressed and that a response is expected of them. The people they’re talking with may read this as disinterest, though that isn’t necessarily the case. The person might be lost in thought, taking a mental “pause,” or simply too sensorially overwhelmed to be aware of certain interactions taking place. Accepting the person as they are, without pressure around this, can lead to participation that’s rewarding for everyone.

It’s also often difficult to identify which pieces of information matter most in a conversation, which can lead to a topic being underdeveloped or, on the contrary, explained in far too much detail. It’s worth asking whether this is really a problem, or whether some of these expectations deserve a second look!

Meeting Unspoken Expectations

Social interactions involve guessing what the other person expects. Since some of these expectations are never clearly spelled out, in words that leave little room for interpretation, autistic people are often left without them. They won’t magically “guess” what’s on someone else’s mind, and yet that’s sometimes exactly what’s expected of them. When the autistic person doesn’t respond the way others expect, many people feel frustrated and stop investing in the relationship. Often, though, all it would take is clarity and information suited to the person’s level of understanding.

Mise en situation

Jules is tired and worried he might fall asleep at the wheel. He’d like to sleep over at Carl’s to avoid putting himself in danger..

Instead of saying so clearly, he tells Carl he’s tired and nervous about driving. Carl suggests putting on some upbeat music and having a coffee. Jules insists that the coffee would keep him awake—not just for the drive, but for the whole night. Carl replies that his life and other people’s lives matter more than a good night’s sleep. Jules feels let down, as if his friend is abandoning him. Yet Carl never actually received the specific information he needed..

If Jules had clearly told Carl that he wanted to sleep over, Carl would have understood. Since it was unplanned, his initial reaction might still have been a bit awkward—in that case, it would have helped to give him time to take in the information, without putting any pressure on him.

Play

Left to their own devices, an autistic child will often be more inclined to sort, line up, and arrange toys than to use them to act out everyday scenes. When a playmate perceives this as a lack of flexibility, many children end up avoiding their company.

An autistic person who has mastered the rules of a game—a board game or a team sport, for example—may hold to them very rigidly. In a playful setting, this precision can be seen as putting a damper on the group’s fun, or even cause conflict. Yet this rigidity often reflects a need for security: ambiguity or rule-breaking can create a great deal of insecurity for the autistic person.

Tools and Tips

Support from a professional specifically trained in adult autism (social skills coaching, occupational therapy, psychology, psychoeducation), for more personalized support than self-guided tools can offer.
Preparing for a get-together in advance: knowing who will be there, what the purpose is, and what’s expected.
Using a social script written out in advance for a new or anxiety-inducing situation.
“Safe” conversation topics: preparing a short list before a social gathering.
Letting the autistic person know about a change of plans as early as possible, rather than expecting them to adjust on the spot.
Agreeing in advance on a simple phrase or signal that allows leaving an interaction without having to explain why in the moment.
Agreeing on a simple signal with a loved one to indicate that a more detailed explanation is needed.
Turning to autistic peer groups (in person or online) to practice interactions with people who share a similar communication style.
Favoring social activities organized around a shared interest rather than open-ended conversation settings, which rely more heavily on small talk.
If needed, and with the person’s agreement, using a visual timer during group discussions to give a concrete sense of speaking time.

In Conclusion

Social interactions call for constant adjustment, on both sides. Better understanding one’s own social functioning, naming one’s needs, and seeking out environments and relationships that fit allow many autistic people to experience social interactions that feel satisfying, at their own pace and by their own standards.

References

Peer-Reviewed Scientific Sources

Kinnaird, E., Stewart, C., & Tchanturia, K. (2019). Investigating alexithymia in autism: A systematic review and meta-analysis. European Psychiatry, 55, 80–89. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eurpsy.2018.09.004
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008
Milton, D., Gurbuz, E., & López, B. (2022). The double empathy problem: Ten years on. Autism, 26(8), 1901–1903. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221129123
Murray, D., Lesser, M., & Lawson, W. (2005). Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. Autism, 9(2), 139–156. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361305051398
Wu, T., & Wang, D. (2025). Experiences of friendship among autistic adults: A scoping review. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 16, 1523506. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2025.1523506

Notes on Other Sources

Masking, or social camouflaging, and autistic burnout are supported by an extensive body of community and clinical literature, documented in particular by autistic people themselves; these aren’t concepts drawn from a single study cited above.
FDMT is mentioned as a Quebec-based supplier of educational and sensory tools.

A Note on Our Approach

This text takes a neuroaffirming approach: autism is presented here as a variation in human functioning rather than a set of deficits to be corrected. The tools and tips offered are not a substitute for support from a professional trained in adult autism.

Social interactions