Empathy and Autism

Can autistic people be empathetic?
IN BRIEF

Many believe, wrongly, that autistic people lack empathy. This is completely false. Autistic empathy may simply manifest differently. An autistic person might need help fully understanding a situation that requires empathy, but they do experience it. Autistic people often feel empathy in extremes—either much more strongly than others or far less. Before they can show empathy, autistic people first need to understand the situation at hand, which adds an extra layer of complexity.

What is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to recognize and feel another person’s emotions and feelings, to put oneself in their shoes to understand what they are going through, and to interact accordingly.

There are three types of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate.

Cognitive
empathy

This is the ability to understand someone else's emotion without feeling it yourself.
Example: I see that you are happy. I understand why you are happy, even though I wouldn’t feel joy in the same situation.

Emotional
empathy

This is the ability to feel someone else’s emotions in real-time.
Example: I feel pain imagining what the other person is going through, and it makes me want to cry.

Compassionate empathy

This combines the previous two types of empathy to understand what someone needs and how to respond appropriately.
Example: My friend tells me her cat has passed away. Cats aren’t important to me, but I understand that she loved her cat and is feeling sad. Seeing her cry makes me feel her sadness, and I understand that in situations like this, my friend needs me to offer my condolences and give her a comforting hug.

Empathy in Autistic People

There’s a persistent myth that autistic people lack empathy.

This is false.

Autistic people often have very strong emotional empathy. Some even say autistic individuals have “antennas” that allow them to pick up on others’ emotional energy.

Of course, this has nothing to do with vibrations—it’s more about hyperempathy.

Certain TV shows hurt me directly in my heart. Sometimes, awkward scenes make me stop watching the show and distract myself. The awkwardness lingers in my body for several minutes. I even hesitate to restart the episode, knowing how the character (and therefore I) will feel. There are also series and movies I’ve had to stop and never go back to because I kept reliving the intensity of a character’s grief. These emotions still resonate with me when I think about those moments. You can imagine how deeply I feel the emotions of people around me daily… One person feeling unwell in a group can affect me profoundly.

Mani Lamarre, autistic individual

Cognitive empathy, however, is often more challenging for autistic people. It can be very difficult to imagine something they have never personally experienced. For this reason, autistic people often demonstrate empathy by comparing a situation to one they have lived through to estimate the intensity of what the other person is feeling.

Example: A colleague breaks their arm and describes the pain. An autistic person might recall the most painful experience they’ve had to imagine what it feels like to break an arm. They then compare, understand, and possibly respond accordingly.

Important

Unfortunately, this approach is often seen by society as selfish, as if the person is trying to make everything about themselves.

Because cognitive empathy is not innate for many autistic people, compassionate empathy can also be more difficult. Compassionate empathy is deeply rooted in social conventions, which adds another layer of complexity for autistic individuals.

Neurodivergent Empathy

There’s a phenomenon observed in the autistic community: when autistic individuals interact with one another, empathy is rarely an issue. In contrast, interactions with neurotypical individuals can be more challenging.

Recent research supports this, referencing the “double empathy” theory.

It is easier for an autistic person to connect and understand another autistic person than to connect with a non-autistic individual.

The same is true for neurotypical individuals—they generally communicate more effectively with each other than with neurodivergent individuals.

This suggests we should speak of neurodivergent empathy rather than a lack of empathy.

Reframing Autism and Empathy

Neurodivergent empathy is a valid form of empathy, expressed differently from traditional empathy but no less genuine.

We could even extend this concept to recognize that some autistic individuals are hyperempathetic, while others are hypoempathetic.

Just as with sensory experiences, hyperempathetic individuals feel others’ emotions very intensely, while hypoempathetic individuals feel them very little.

Even when empathy doesn’t manifest traditionally, and an autistic person may need help fully understanding a situation, they do experience a unique form of neurodivergent empathy.

Empathy is a skill that can be developed and improved. Of course, not everyone starts at the same level. Learning should be tailored to each autistic person’s strengths, challenges, and limits.

Some may require support from a professional (e.g., a specialized educator or therapist), while others may simply need information to enhance their abilities.

How Does Empathy Develop?

The Pillars of Empathy Development

Step 1 : Understanding Emotions
Step 2 : Learning to Put Yourself in Others’ Shoes
Step 3 : Recognizing Situations That Require Empathy
Step 4 : Improving Communication Skills

Interesting Fact

Approximately 65% of autistic individuals experience alexithymia, a difficulty recognizing and expressing their emotions or feelings. Fortunately, this can improve over time!

Step 1: Understanding Emotions

1 – Welcoming Sensations in the Body

The first step is to take a moment of calm to welcome bodily sensations. This involves deep breathing and focusing on the various physical sensations present in the body.

2 – Identifying the Emotion Linked to the Sensation

Once this is achieved, the next step is identifying the emotion associated with the sensation. Here are a few examples:

Of course, each person is different, and the combinations of sensations and emotions may vary.

3 – Connecting Emotions to Situations

Now, the focus shifts to linking emotions to specific situations. What triggered the emotion? What happened in the minutes, hours, or days leading up to this sensation?

4 – Releasing Emotions in a Healthy Way

Finally, it is essential to learn to release emotions in a healthy manner. For instance:

This process takes time and requires regular practice. Repetition is normal, and each step should be mastered before moving on to the next.

Once individuals better understand their own emotions and their manifestations, it becomes easier to imagine and comprehend others’ emotions.

Step 2: Learning to Put Yourself in Others’ Shoes

One Situation, Two Perspectives

Cognitive empathy often poses a challenge for autistic people, as imagining another’s perspective can be difficult. A helpful metaphor is a mountain.

For example:

When Person 1 mentions seeing trees, Person 2 struggles to imagine that reality, as no trees are visible from their vantage point.

The neurotypical brain tends to be more flexible. When Person 2 says there are no trees, Person 1 can quickly imagine different facets of the mountain.

The mountain symbolizes a situation shared by both individuals, where Person 2 struggles to understand Person 1’s perspective.

Developing the Ability to See Another’s Perspective

To improve this, the first step is acknowledging the cognitive rigidity that might exist in autistic individuals. Keeping the mountain metaphor in mind, the autistic person can remind themselves to stop, take a moment, and consider the other side of the mountain.

Questions can also help foster understanding:

It is also important for both individuals to clarify their expectations:

Step 3: Recognizing Situations That Require Empathy

For some autistic individuals, learning social scenarios can help them determine how to behave in given situations.

Identifying specific scenarios where empathy is needed can be helpful. Some may prefer memorizing responses, while others benefit from practicing examples.

This step can sometimes resemble social masking, as it often aligns with societal expectations. Some autistic individuals may not want to engage in this, may find it challenging, or might prefer directly asking their surroundings about their needs. This is perfectly acceptable.

Autistic individuals (or those helping them reflect) should consider situations where they themselves would appreciate certain responses:

Thinking this through in advance and seeking input from others about expected empathetic responses can be very helpful.

Step 4: Improving Communication Skills

Whether someone is autistic or not, communication and connection remain essential for healthy and enriching relationships.

Clarifying how we communicate, appreciate, and care for others creates favorable conditions for empathy.

Discussing communication needs with loved ones is important. Here are some examples of communication needs:

Needing clarity and details
Being able to ask many questions
Using a code for deeper conversations (e.g., “I need to talk to you. Do you have time?”)
Needing to look away and keep hands busy to listen effectively
Preparing in advance for deep discussions

By clarifying how we communicate, appreciate, and care for others, relationships grow stronger.

Can autistic people be empathetic?IN BRIEF

IN BRIEF